The Taming of the Shrew

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Excerpt

Before an alehouse on a heath.

[Enter Hostess and SLY]

SLY

I’ll pheeze you, in faith.

Hostess

A pair of stocks, you rogue!

SLY

Ye are a baggage: the Slys are no rogues; look in the chronicles; we came in with Richard Conqueror. Therefore paucas pallabris; let the world slide: sessa!

Hostess

You will not pay for the glasses you have burst?

SLY

No, not a denier. Go by, Jeronimy: go to thy cold bed, and warm thee.

Hostess

I know my remedy; I must go fetch the third–borough.

[Exit]

SLY

Third, or fourth, or fifth borough, I’ll answer him by law: I’ll not budge an inch, boy: let him come, and kindly.

Falls asleep

Horns winded. Enter a Lord from hunting, with his train

Lord

Huntsman, I charge thee, tender well my hounds: Brach Merriman, the poor cur is emboss’d; And couple Clowder with the deep–mouth’d brach. Saw’st thou not, boy, how Silver made it good At the hedge-corner, in the coldest fault? I would not lose the dog for twenty pound.

First Huntsman

Why, Belman is as good as he, my lord; He cried upon it at the merest loss And twice to-day pick’d out the dullest scent: Trust me, I take him for the better dog.

Lord

Thou art a fool: if Echo were as fleet, I would esteem him worth a dozen such. But sup them well and look unto them all: To-morrow I intend to hunt again.

First Huntsman

I will, my lord.

Lord

What’s here? one dead, or drunk? See, doth he breathe?

Second Huntsman

He breathes, my lord. Were he not warm’d with ale, This were a bed but cold to sleep so soundly.

Lord

O monstrous beast! how like a swine he lies! Grim death, how foul and loathsome is thine image! Sirs, I will practise on this drunken man. What think you, if he were convey’d to bed, Wrapp’d in sweet clothes, rings put upon his fingers, A most delicious banquet by his bed, And brave attendants near him when he wakes, Would not the beggar then forget himself?

First Huntsman

Believe me, lord, I think he cannot choose.

Second Huntsman

It would seem strange unto him when he waked.

Lord

Even as a flattering dream or worthless fancy. Then take him up and manage well the jest: Carry him gently to my fairest chamber And hang it round with all my wanton pictures: Balm his foul head in warm distilled waters And burn sweet wood to make the lodging sweet: Procure me music ready when he wakes, To make a dulcet and a heavenly sound; And if he chance to speak, be ready straight And with a low submissive reverence Say ‘What is it your honour will command?’ Let one attend him with a silver basin Full of rose-water and bestrew’d with flowers, Another bear the ewer, the third a diaper, And say ‘Will’t please your lordship cool your hands?’ Some one be ready with a costly suit And ask him what apparel he will wear; Another tell him of his hounds and horse, And that his lady mourns at his disease: Persuade him that he hath been lunatic; And when he says he is, say that he dreams, For he is nothing but a mighty lord. This do and do it kindly, gentle sirs: It will be pastime passing excellent, If it be husbanded with modesty.

First Huntsman

My lord, I warrant you we will play our part, As he shall think by our true diligence He is no less than what we say he is.

Lord

Take him up gently and to bed with him; And each one to his office when he wakes.

Some bear out SLY. A trumpet sounds

Sirrah, go see what trumpet ‘tis that sounds:

[Exit Servingman]

Belike, some noble gentleman that means, Travelling some journey, to repose him here.

Re-enter Servingman

How now! who is it?

Servant

An’t please your honour, players That offer service to your lordship.

Lord

Bid them come near.

[Enter Players]

Now, fellows, you are welcome.

Players

We thank your honour.

Lord

Do you intend to stay with me tonight?

A Player

So please your lordship to accept our duty.

Lord

With all my heart. This fellow I remember, Since once he play’d a farmer’s eldest son: ‘Twas where you woo’d the gentlewoman so well: I have forgot your name; but, sure, that part Was aptly fitted and naturally perform’d.

A Player

I think ‘twas Soto that your honour means.

Lord

‘Tis very true: thou didst it excellent. Well, you are come to me in a happy time; The rather for I have some sport in hand Wherein your cunning can assist me much. There is a lord will hear you play to-night: But I am doubtful of your modesties.