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Shakespeare’s only thoroughly English comedy, created an archetypal literary figure in the shape of the devious, irrepressible John Falstaff. This edition celebrates the play as a joyous exploration of language, but also places elements of its plot firmly in a continental, specifically Italian, tradition of romantic comedy.
93 pages with a reading time of ~1.50 hours (23499 words), and first published in 1597. This DRM-Free edition published by epubBooks, 2017.
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SCENE I
Windsor. Before PAGE’s house.
[Enter SHALLOW, SLENDER, and SIR HUGH EVANS]
SHALLOW
Sir Hugh, persuade me not; I will make a Star- chamber matter of it: if he were twenty Sir John Falstaffs, he shall not abuse Robert Shallow, esquire.
SLENDER
In the county of Gloucester, justice of peace and ‘Coram.’
SHALLOW
Ay, cousin Slender, and ‘Custalourum.
SLENDER
Ay, and ‘Rato-lorum’ too; and a gentleman born, master parson; who writes himself ‘Armigero,’ in any bill, warrant, quittance, or obligation, ‘Armigero.’
SHALLOW
Ay, that I do; and have done any time these three hundred years.
SLENDER
All his successors gone before him hath done’t; and all his ancestors that come after him may: they may give the dozen white luces in their coat.
SHALLOW
It is an old coat.
SIR HUGH EVANS
The dozen white louses do become an old coat well; it agrees well, passant; it is a familiar beast to man, and signifies love.
SHALLOW
The luce is the fresh fish; the salt fish is an old coat.
SLENDER
I may quarter, coz.
SHALLOW
You may, by marrying.
SIR HUGH EVANS
It is marring indeed, if he quarter it.
SHALLOW
Not a whit.
SIR HUGH EVANS
Yes, py’r lady; if he has a quarter of your coat, there is but three skirts for yourself, in my simple conjectures: but that is all one. If Sir John Falstaff have committed disparagements unto you, I am of the church, and will be glad to do my benevolence to make atonements and compremises between you.
SHALLOW
The council shall bear it; it is a riot.
SIR HUGH EVANS
It is not meet the council hear a riot; there is no fear of Got in a riot: the council, look you, shall desire to hear the fear of Got, and not to hear a riot; take your vizaments in that.
SHALLOW
Ha! o’ my life, if I were young again, the sword should end it.
SIR HUGH EVANS
It is petter that friends is the sword, and end it: and there is also another device in my prain, which peradventure prings goot discretions with it: there is Anne Page, which is daughter to Master Thomas Page, which is pretty virginity.
SLENDER
Mistress Anne Page? She has brown hair, and speaks small like a woman.
SIR HUGH EVANS
It is that fery person for all the orld, as just as you will desire; and seven hundred pounds of moneys, and gold and silver, is her grandsire upon his death’s-bed–Got deliver to a joyful resurrections! –give, when she is able to overtake seventeen years old: it were a goot motion if we leave our pribbles and prabbles, and desire a marriage between Master Abraham and Mistress Anne Page.
SLENDER
Did her grandsire leave her seven hundred pound?
SIR HUGH EVANS
Ay, and her father is make her a petter penny.
SLENDER
I know the young gentlewoman; she has good gifts.
SIR HUGH EVANS
Seven hundred pounds and possibilities is goot gifts.
SHALLOW
Well, let us see honest Master Page. Is Falstaff there?
SIR HUGH EVANS
Shall I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar as I do despise one that is false, or as I despise one that is not true. The knight, Sir John, is there; and, I beseech you, be ruled by your well-willers. I will peat the door for Master Page.
Knocks
What, hoa! Got pless your house here!
PAGE
[Within] Who’s there?
[Enter PAGE]
SIR HUGH EVANS
Here is Got’s plessing, and your friend, and Justice Shallow; and here young Master Slender, that peradventures shall tell you another tale, if matters grow to your likings.
PAGE
I am glad to see your worships well. I thank you for my venison, Master Shallow.
SHALLOW
Master Page, I am glad to see you: much good do it your good heart! I wished your venison better; it was ill killed. How doth good Mistress Page?–and I thank you always with my heart, la! with my heart.
PAGE
Sir, I thank you.
SHALLOW
Sir, I thank you; by yea and no, I do.
PAGE
I am glad to see you, good Master Slender.
SLENDER
How does your fallow greyhound, sir? I heard say he was outrun on Cotsall.
PAGE
It could not be judged, sir.
SLENDER
You’ll not confess, you’ll not confess.
SHALLOW
That he will not. ‘Tis your fault, ‘tis your fault; ‘tis a good dog.
PAGE
A cur, sir.
SHALLOW
Sir, he’s a good dog, and a fair dog: can there be more said? he is good and fair. Is Sir John Falstaff here?
PAGE
Sir, he is within; and I would I could do a good office between you.
SIR HUGH EVANS
It is spoke as a Christians ought to speak.
SHALLOW
He hath wronged me, Master Page.
PAGE
Sir, he doth in some sort confess it.
SHALLOW